In simpler times, scammers used to be more fun. Perhaps it was easier to find people who are easily scammed back then. Frankly, I miss those emails from African princes informing me that I’d inherited millions from the Kingdom of Mufasa and all I needed to do was make a deposit to the Bank of Pride Rock.
I miss the simplicity of being informed that a specific part of my male anatomy required an extension and for a sizable fee the emailer would do a sizable job.
Even my late father-in-law never fell for the medical treatments or the African princes, though he was partial to a lottery scam, which meant we had variations of the following conversation way too many times …
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“Hey, Neil, I think this lottery email might be genuine.”
“What does it say?”
“My ticket has won half a million.”
“What lottery is it?”
“The Irish lottery.”
“Have you ever bought an Irish lottery ticket?”
“No.”
“Then ignore the email.”
“But I bought UK lottery tickets. And I bought Singapore Sweep tickets when I visited you.”
“But they’re not Irish tickets, are they?”
“Yeah, but they do things upside down in Ireland.”
And at this point, we’re supposed to make the usual elderly jokes. Typical seniors. Can’t use a remote control. Can’t drive properly. Can’t understand why an African prince wouldn’t leave his entire fortune to Auntie Tay in Toa Payoh.
But this lazy ridiculing feels unfair because scammers do not discriminate. Say what you like about the venal parasites of the digital age, but they are more woke than a group of college students sitting around a campfire in beads and braids, singing Bob Marley songs.
Scammers are blind to age, race, religion, gender and sexuality. They open their bots to everyone. If the world was run by scammers, there’d be no discrimination. And no money left in our bank accounts.
It’s too easy to be scammed
I should know. The scammers were one click away from wiping me out on Carousell.
It’s no surprise that the Singapore Police Force recently reported that the total number of scam cases reported in the first half of 2024 increased by 16.3 percent as compared to the same period last year. Of these cases, 27.3 percent were e-commerce scams.
And of those e-commerce scams, 38.6 percent of cases came from Facebook. Carousell was next with 16.9 percent.
Of course they were. When I changed apartments a decade ago, a friend suggested selling my unwanted furniture on Carousell, forgetting that a) it’s a popular target for scams and b) I’m an idiot.
Having filtered out several legitimate enquiries for the furniture, because their offers were too low, I settled on the dream buyer.
According to him, my furniture was the Holy Grail of furniture. That chipped TV cabinet was the very thing missing from his life. He fantasised about owning the juice-stained sofa in my living room. And if he had to choose between a night with Taylor Swift or a night with my bookshelf, he was going with the bookshelf.
All I had to do to receive every one of the Singapore dollars I’d asked for was to pay the pick-up deposit for his removal van. No problem! Where was my credit card? I giddily typed in those numbers and prepared to hit ‘enter’.
And then I heard a faint voice in my head. Maybe it was an African prince. Maybe it was a giggly Irish accent muttering something about a lottery ticket, but I hesitated, rejected the sale and gave the furniture to the Salvation Army instead.
But I really was that close to being a scam statistic.
So everyone is vulnerable. Last month, the Government released an enhanced ScamShield app with a new “Check for Scams” function.
AI (artificial intelligence) can now identify potential threats on WhatsApp, SMS and phone calls. Suspicious messages can be vetted, which is terrific, but it still feels like we’re wading through treacle.
The phone calls from the “Ministry of Health” or the “Singapore Police Force” still slip behind the shield. Fake threats still reach my inbox. The scammers continue to evolve and mutate, like something grotesque in an Alien movie.
Back in March, an 82-year-old man was targeted by scammers three times in less than two months and would’ve lost around $3.7 million, if not for the intervention of the authorities.
So it’s easy to play those greatest hits again. Typical seniors. Can’t spot a phony ID. Can’t tell a fake police officer from a real one.
But the elderly are not the only targets. Anyone who is a bit of Luddite (me), who doesn’t keep up with tech trends (me) and forgets to regularly update his security apps (also me) is just as vulnerable.
The scammed hit back
Rather than mock the victims, why not persecute the scammers instead, in every sense. Help the seniors who need ScamShield and hate those who made ScamShield necessary in the first place.
Personally, I take every opportunity to irritate and abuse scammers. Our brief phone conversations often go something like this …
“Hello this is the Ministry of Health. You need to do blah blah blah urgently. What’s your name?”
“George Clooney.”
“What’s your full IC number?”
“Oceans XI.”
“Can I get your SingPass details ?”
“**** off.”
It’s not big and it’s not clever. But in this insidious war of tech bots, thieves and fraudsters, it makes me feel better. Sometimes, the conversations are much shorter…
“Hello this is the Singapore Police Force. You need to do blah blah blah urgently. What’s your name?”
“Detective Inspector Stanley Low.”
The line goes dead immediately.
No, I’m not impersonating a police officer, but the fictional character in my crime novels. It saves time and directs the sarcastic indignation towards the people who deserve it most.
I’d rather make fun of the scammers than the ‘scammed’. Victims need empathy, not mockery. Better yet, keep an eye on those most likely to be scammed, whatever the age. Check their software updates. Remind them not to share personal details. And never give money to anyone who suggests that a crappy TV cabinet is their dream piece of furniture.
I’d love to say that none of us will ever be a potential scam victim, but there’s more chance of me marrying an African prince.
