Credit: Josephine Chia
I always felt I knew the direction of my life. However, something profoundly changed when I had my sudden collapse.
To cut a long story short, the atrial node that goes to my heart snapped! The cardiac surgeon said this was due to wear and tear, not to diet or lifestyle. The irony was that my heart was in very good condition – no blockages, no high cholesterol, no weakening!
In the emergency room, I thought I was going to die. I was not the least alarmed and experienced a kind of detachment from my body, observing the scene from above. I was ready to go.
But death wasn’t ready for me and I eventually recovered and got fitted with a pacemaker. However, during those moments of semi-consciousness, I got the sense that I didn’t die because I could still be useful to society. I can serve and give back.
I have found my purpose!
Advertisement
Finding meaning in life
As I get older, I find that having a purpose gives life meaning. Without it, no matter how much one possess, we are that much poorer as there is no meaning to life. There is no incentive to wake up in the morning.
But with purpose, I have a renewed spring in my step, filled with joyous energy, ready to share it with others.
Many silvers appear to believe that we have done everything needed in our lives and so we feel that there is nothing left to do. We could think of life as nearly over. If so, the years ahead of could stretch like an empty chasm. My advice: Life is not over until you think it is over!
How to do this? First, take control of your mind. Every of your experiences count. Why not share your valuable life lessons? Don’t be ashamed of what you have not managed to achieve. You cannot reach the altar of wisdom without having suffered some disappointments, setbacks and failures.
Why I become a mentor
Credit: Josephine Chia
It was with this mindset that I decided to pay it forward, through becoming a mentor. Being a mentor is offering one’s perspectives, experience and knowledge to provide guidance and support. This can be for both professional or personal development. Mentors can also share insights and open doors to new opportunities as a connector.
Nothing is too small or insignificant. Mentoring can be in different areas — engineering, the arts, music, dance, singing, playing a musical instrument, growing plants — the list is endless.
I became a mentor by chance. I was teaching creative writing in the UK and had won a UK national prize for one of my short stories. On one of my visits home to Singapore, I was invited by an officer from the Ministry of Education to run a creative writing workshop for secondary school students in the Creative Arts Programme. This was successful and became the first of many more.
When I eventually returned to Singapore end of 2012, I also became a creative writing mentor to some of these students. This developed to mentoring adults for creative writing under the National Arts Council Mentorship Access Programme as well.
Initially, I was concerned about the responsibility of mentoring. Whilst in the UK, I was teaching creative writing, yoga and even cooking. However, teaching is different from mentoring. When you teach, you are simply passing on information although an astute teacher is in touch with how the students are receiving the information and processing it.
In mentoring, usually on a one-to-one basis, the mentor must assess the mentee’s capabilities and needs and guide them to their goals. This is quite a challenge. The mentor must gauge how much to give and how much to push for the mentee to succeed.
A good pairing is crucial in mentorship. I found that mentorship is a two-way process that enriches not only the mentee, but also the mentor.
The art of the right mentoring match
Mentorship is a rewarding journey. I learnt as much as I gave – and am still giving. However, there can be occasional glitches when the match between mentor and mentee does not work.
I was once paired with someone who wanted to write but could not shift from her own viewpoint. She felt her English grammar was so good that it need not be corrected.
Credit: Josephine Chia
Creative writing is very different from writing for a report or textbook. Creative writing is not using words to merely state facts. Creative writing requires the use of a language that is stylish and lyrical to engender the appropriate emotions and feelings.
This kind of mentee is the type whose teacup is already full and cannot take in any more tea. This was a lesson for me to understand that sometimes the pairing is not compatible. Unsurprisingly, the mentorship had to be terminated.
Luckily, that mentee is an exception — most of my mentoring experience is life-affirming.
The rewards of being a mentor
As a mentor, I also find that my world expands. The younger generation lives with a different tempo and scale from us. This is a totally new world compared to our youth.
A beautiful mentorship relationship entails us opening to their world and understanding the way things are run today. This is marvellous as it keeps us in touch with what is current, it keeps us informed and it makes us feel involved with the world today.
I am a crotchety old dinosaur when it comes to computers and social media. It’s hard for me to pick up modern technology. I steadfastly try to keep my life private so I am not on any social media. But social media has its uses.
Many of my mentees kindly send me stuff from Facebook and Instagram through WhatsApp when something is relevant. Through them, I learnt the changing social norms, how youngsters can be freer than my generation and are not tied to old ideas of gender roles, for instance.
We don’t have to live only in our past, we must also live in the present.
Sometimes, as a mentor, you get an opportunity to listen to the ups and downs of your mentee’s life. Sometimes they may not be able to talk to their own parents about their angst, but if they feel they can trust you, they will open up.
So, you can just listen, without necessarily having to give advice. A kind of alchemy is generated when mentor and mentee have a symbiotic and trusting relationship.
Celebrating with your mentees
We have had our successes. By being a mentor, we can continue to celebrate the successes with our mentees.
I experience great joy and pride when one of my creative writing mentees gets their writing published. This is their success, but I had helped make it happen.
Credit: Josephine Chia
Several of them who published their first book have honoured me by acknowledging my contribution. This brings me such happiness.
I feel I can die happy as I have conveyed my talent in such a way that the young writers can now express their own art and style.
Life continues. Your talent will not die with you.
So, why wait? Find out how you can be a mentor.
How to be a mentor
There are several ways to start a mentoring journey:
- Mentoring SG is led by the National Youth Council and the Mentoring Alliance for Singapore. Mentors can choose their mentee profiles in terms of focus areas, educational levels, and whether to mentor a group of an individual.
- Business bodies also have mentoring programmes. For instance, the CFA society links young finance professionals with seniors.
- The Singapore Leaders Network promotes 1-on-1 connections. Mentors and mentees sign up for a minimum of 3 sessions.
