My husband describes himself as a grumpy old man.
I would like to assure him that he is not alone in this decline into grumpiness, judging from my (ageing) girlfriends’ chatter at our lunches.
The favourite topic seems to be about husbands who have all turned into grumpy old men (GOM) in their old age.
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Traits of a grumpy old man
GOM grunt when asked a question, nag their wives about particular bugbears, argue vociferously over any difference of opinion – even minor – and quibble over details of shared memories which can turn out to be a totally different account of the event, depending on whose memory is being mined.
One girlfriend complains about her husband’s refusal to see a doctor about his deafness. I’m not deaf he declares and accuses her instead of mumbling, which was why he had to keep on asking her to repeat herself.
Another describes her husband’s repeated nagging at her to not forget to keep away the clean dishes after washing up or to cover their (expensive) sink with a towel after use to prevent scratches.
One more complains about her husband’s “kind” insistence on driving her everywhere, even though she could drive long before he could, and suspects that his chauffeuring offers are his way of controlling her movements. By the way, this is also the man who insists that the whole family abstains from salt as he has high blood pressure.
And all of them complain about their husbands’ persistent habit of “googling” information to shut down any contradicting opinion raised during after-dinner “conversations” that are less than amiable.
The science behind the grumpy old man
Well, they may or may not be relieved to know that ageing men’s growing grumpiness is not a myth but potentially a scientifically explainable medical phenomenon, rooted in a little thing called andropause.
That’s partially because unlike menopause, which is characterised by a universal, precipitous decline in the production of hormones in women, andropause progresses slowly and insidiously.
A man’s testosterone levels decline at the rate of about 1% per year, depending on other factors like obesity, emotional stress, medication and other illnesses. Though symptoms of andropause can include changes in strength, energy levels and yes, mood, this doesn’t happen to all men at an equal rate.
Sometimes, a dramatic change in your husband’s mood could point to something else like dementia, chronic pain or depression.
So, I guess GOM could see the doctor about their moodiness, if you can persuade a husband to go! Isn’t it common knowledge that men hate seeing the doctor, especially if it is the woman who suggests it?
How wives keep the peace
My girlfriends have resorted to various means of coping with this continual crankiness which seems to have started when men age and retire from full time work.
Unlike women who still have a home to run and grandchildren to take care of, men play golf, read the newspapers or watch interminable sports programmes on TV. All of which may or may not fill their time nor satisfy their minds.
Aside from ignoring the grumblings, or constantly organising lunches out with girlfriends, one girlfriend was driven to book regular staycations at a nearby hotel to keep herself sane!
Another became a hostess with the mostest, as she regularly organises dinners to fill her days, reduce interaction with her hubby and so have evening conversations that are less contentious and perhaps, more interesting.
My girlfriends who have all remained resolutely married despite these daily irritations could take comfort from the fact that doctors say that small changes in lifestyle could be helpful to manage male grumpiness.
According to Healthhub, getting regular exercise, clocking in some social time and sleeping well are all easy ways to improve your mental wellbeing.
Love and laughter: making it work
If only, the women retort, as they settle happily back to their complaining mode. To them, it is part and parcel of growing old together… disgracefully? I even remember my grandfather shouting at my grandmother when I was a chit of a girl when she embarked on her familiar complaint of how her family was cheated of a plot of land in Malacca!
Back to my husband who had refused to believe that he had become a different animal. He asked his 11-year-old granddaughter for confirmation.
He now hopes to live up to the latter. As will I, I guess.
