It is the Year of the Dragon, but let’s not forget the rest of the animal kingdom.
Each Chinese zodiac animal is associated with specific travel preferences.
Traditional beliefs would have you know that Rat-year people are likely to find luck in the north, while those born in the Horse year may benefit from going south.
I am Year of the Dear (as in “Oh Dear Me”), and to kick start the Year of the Dragon, I would like to offer a dozen alternative places tailored to your inner critter.
Year of the Dragon
Advertisement
It’s Wood Dragon so I learn, which is worrying.
I mean, dragons do breathe fire (you never follow Game of Thrones, ah?). Fire on wood! Hello, toast, man!
So, you majestic ferocious creature, there is no alternative travel plans for you other than Iceland. Fire and Ice, oh what beautiful combustion you’ll produce.
Now, on no account — however tempting the massive discount — Dragon, should you go to Japan.
Japan is where Dragon Slayer was born. Stay away.
Year of the Snake
Cobra, python, rattle, every last one also frightening.
Serpentine, concertina, rectilinear, you can call its creepy crawly movement by any other musical name, it’s still scary.
So, go to Egypt, into the bowels of the ancient ruins, find your Cleopatra, stay there. Pharoah will feed you a Rocher (chocolate).
Snakes, where you positively must avoid are Paris and Florence.
Home to leather factories galore.
First, you’ll be skinned alive for Birkin and Hermes handbags, and then to add insult to injury, the Chinese workers will cook and eat you for supper.
Year of the Horse
Once upon a time I’d have bet you to take the train to Kranji and we could have gone several rounds and you’d make me some money, at least enough for cab fare home.
Alas, all that is behind us now, not even a ponytail left.
There’s just Hollywood, where you can check out the backlot of movie studios where cowboys used to shoot anyone not wearing a Stetson, or worse, sporting feathers.
Siena is an option, site of the annual Palio; handsome horses in a heartstopping race.
Whether colt, filly, nag, or warhorse, here’s a list to give a wide berth – Mexico, Belgium, Poland, Germany, China. Eating horse meat here is no big deal.
Year of the Goat
One of the nicest of the 12 animals, to my mind anyway. Simple needs, likes to chew and enjoys a climb.
Mount Everest could be a jolly idea. Or Switzerland. Ah yes, Goats have the occasional desire to butt heads, so skip archeological sites (Rome) on the off chance you knock off the city’s historical remains which are everywhere.
And do re-route far from Austria’s hills which are alive with lonely goatherds.
Don’t take the chance.
Year of the Monkey
Wahey! The urban and the dynamic, driving tourists and home dwellers bananas as they get into your kitchen through the bathroom window to filch food or snatch your purse.
So any city then, for these social omnivores.
Intelligent and inquisitive, therefore a smart kaypoh, you don’t need my input here.
Just stay clear of Balinese temples, Botanic Gardens, too much competition.
Cheeky lot, you’d reckon the tropics would be ideal, but these primates fear snakes and big cats.
Stay home, simian.
Year of the Rooster
Emblem of France, so you can’t go wrong in La Belle France.
Early riser, noisy bird, book a gite rural (farm stay) you’ll feel right at home.
There you can try your hand at churning butter, milking cows, making hay, but remember to stop at collecting hen eggs (relatives, lah).
And if you’re a bit of a cock of the walk, try to score entry into Paris Fashion Week shows, strut your stuff, show a leg (drumstick) and hope to make it to model.
The world could become your oyster. At worse, oyster omelette.
Don’t go to Hainan. Chicken rice, geddit.
Year of the Dog
Chases its tail three times, lies down for a snooze.
Why travel at all, stay put.
In reality you can take a dog anywhere, they are such besties.
Follow my lead, north, south, east, west, Dog folk are easy-going.
Alsace (Alsatian), Beijing (Pekingnese), Australia-New Zealand (border collie) England (bulldog), United States (labrador).
I would halt at Korea, both north and south, because dog meat is a food staple in those parts.
You don’t want any of the BTS boys or the Blackpink girls to goose you right?
Hmmm, on the other hand, why not…
Year of the Pig
It would have to be all about food, obviously.
Then do an if-it’s-Tuesday-it-must-be-mussels, so Belgium, wiener schnitzel in Vienna, trdlo in Prague, langos in Hungary, fat bottomed ants in Colombia, sheep’s head in Norway, fish penis in South Korea.
On reaching home, reach for buah petai (bitter bean) and it’ll flush your entire eating adventure down the tubes.
Nothing like a detox so you can start all over again.
Everything but babi guling….
Year of the Rat
Well, you guys are everywhere, infesting every bustling city in the world if we read the pictorial news correct.
In Chinese culture the Rat represents wisdom, wealth and prosperity. (One just scooted off with your dinner.)
An amazing species, stick one in a maze and it can find its way out in record time.
In fact we should always have a Rat in our group travel, because we’ll never get lost in a foreign country.
Perhaps steer clear of Egypt, Rat, for cats are believed to be deities there.
Year of the Ox
Versatile.
Can be a cow, a steer, a bull.
Easy butt of jokes.
Castrated male. Child labour (any cattle above four years old is a working ox).
Can’t be muzzled (talkative).
Basically a working stiff, can use all the holidays available, but where to go?
The Alps maybe, no signal, no wifi, Oxen will be forced to relax, until the cows come home, as it were.
Knowing its propensity for work, the Ox may just use the idle hours mountain-side to master yodelling.
Year of the Tiger
The most menacing according to hearsay, feared as a carnivore.
A strong sign for some. And a balm when we need it.
Definitely a happy camper then, it’ll bloodily devour anything in its path.
All right folks, I’ve cleared the space, we can set up tent here, nobody’s going to disturb us for sure.
So jungle trekking is the unswerving choice.
Thank goodness the elephant is not in the Chinese animal zodiac.
Year of the Rabbit
A country and city which is least dense would suit the Rabbit, because Fluffy and Floppy and Bunnykins love peace and quiet and thrive in gardens surrounded by babbling brooks and mounds of buttercups and daisies.
Well, heavens to Bugsy, lose yourself in a library among the Enid Blyton books already!
Kyoto is a lovely calm city to charm the Rabbit.
As are cities in Canada with picture postcard garden landscapes.
Try not to venture south of Canada into the United States, which has produced some of the best cartoons.
Rabbits don’t want to be in cartoons running down holes for their lives.
