Despite the wide-ranging reach of the internet, the dating pool has not necessarily increased for those aged 50 and beyond.
Scammers abound in every dating website and even with the safest of precautions, there is no guarantee of a happy ending. Some good tips can be found in our earlier article.
Joining Facebook groups like Silver Hair Club, Singapore Seniors, Sunshine Seniors and Ageing Asia is one way for seniors to meet in “safe” venues and groups.
Pre-internet, traditional ways included introduction by mutual friends, meeting in places of worship, community events, volunteering. Classes, special interest groups and parties should not be discounted and may even have positive results as there would already be a base of some commonalities, be it religion, friends or hobbies.
However, when the opportunity arises when one meets an eligible man or woman of the opposite sex, often, it does not go beyond the first hello and pleasantries.
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Could it be that Cupid’s arrow blunts with age?
Unfortunately, yes, because as we age, it is understandably harder to find a person our age attractive.
Balding and greying hair replace that full head of thick curls, paunches show up where a six-pack might once have been shown off, and wrinkles chart a life’s journey where once the skin was a clean, smooth and taut page waiting to be explored.
In our mind, we may see our younger selves, but that is not the reality, as a quick look in the mirror will prove.
Bearing that in mind, when it comes to the other party, while they should not be repulsive to you perhaps given a little time to get to know them, their personality may emerge and could well be a determining factor that supersedes looks.
Being told that I was no head turner but a page turner hit a painful spot, as compliments flow each time I reveal my age. But discovering that one wants to know more about the other is more important than being impressed at first glance.
Have fun dating!
Too many seniors embark on a relationship too seriously even from the first date.
Dating can be just as fun as mature adults getting to know each other a little better.
- Take long slow walks, perhaps even hand in hand.
- Share your respective eating haunts and dishes.
- Watch movies, plays and performances together and have a nightcap after.
- Play tourist and guide in your respective neighborhoods or jaunts.
- Letting yourself have fun means that the other party will share in the fun, too!
Do not be shy to share your knowledge in botany, architecture, urban legends, reading, jokes, hobbies or anything which interests you, so that the conversation is a lot more varied than just talking about yourself.
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Dating in our 60s
Watch out for red flags
One big bugbear about dating mature adults is their tendency to talk about past glories.
Inevitably there is so much more “baggage” when one passes middle age, and more importantly than talking, is to be able to listen, in order to gauge the weight of the “baggage” and how much they can affect the relationship.
Emotional baggage such as negative perceptions, anger trigger points, openly putting previous partners on a pedestal, high expectations or quirky behavior can be hurdles but may not necessarily be insurmountable.
Similarly with health issues. However, red flags should surface when there is financial baggage such as large debts, ongoing obligations and expectations of handouts.
Financial stability is one of the most important factors in retirement planning, and having attained that, a potential partner with financial baggage is one to avoid.
Many silvers express regret when they recount how they wish that the relationship with that special someone they were attracted to had not developed further and just fizzled out.
Dating cues
At this age, one should try to bolster enough confidence to ask the other, even at a very early stage, whether or not the other party is averse to or would welcome a deeper bond. In our earlier days, we could term this as “going steady”.
The worst answer would be a “No, you are not my type”.
But “give me some time” actually means a “yes, continue to woo me”.
Taking a lighthearted attitude towards meeting and dating, enjoying each date on its own merits rather than a challenge and a step towards more intense engagement, may seem contrary to the quest to find a permanent companion, but perhaps dating as a senior should be just as fun as dating in your younger days.
