For sure, you were not invited to the wedding of the decade.
But I was. My invite arrived from Amazon. But I sent it back. With enough postage.
I did attend, vicariously, the sea carnival played out along the canals of historical Venice, where 400 bridges and over 180 canals connect 100 islands together. I got study The Merchant of Venice one okay.
Even if you shot out to space in a Blue Origin rocket that weekend, you could not have avoided news of the festivities.
What I don’t get is the criticism hurled at the couple from every quarter of the globe.
Two people who are in love and who have all the money in the world and then some, hired a European city to tie the knot, get hitched, say their “I dos,” pledge their troth, and consecrate their nuptials. Issit your business?!
Did they ask you for money, a wedding gift, your esteemed presence?
So what’s your beef, green-eyed monster? Eye-watering jealousy? You’re still waiting for your Amazon delivery no?
Yes, yes, the botak nerd Bezos has beefed up. Wouldn’t you, for your Big Day?
And as for the missus Lauren Sanchez Bezos? Well, if she’d tipped from boat into canal, all the plastic in her would have kept her afloat.
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A wedding of Amazon proportions
I, for one, can see only the positives. The no-expense spared circus has added millions to the sinking city’s coffers.
The hotels, the catering, the water taxis, the gondoliers, the glass blowers, the restaurants and cafes, the souvenir shops, the ice cream vendors, the airport, and the churches, all benefited. Even the pigeons did.
And as for the fashion on parade, it seems like tacky is the new vogue.
Sure, there were the classy elegants on show (men in tuxedos never fail). And coming in from the rear, we have the Kardashians, with mama in Little Bo-Peep sleeves and her daughters in their undies. Very hot lah, Venice in the summer.
Hat, sandals, and shades, all end up looking like Anna Wintour.
The shocker of course was the bride’s wedding dress. It must have been a let-down. All tightly buttoned and covered up.
Peeps and paparazzi were holding it in for the great hang-loose, after all, her cups doth runneth over that day.
Oh stop it already with the “it-wont-last” and “I-give-it-a-year”.
Be kind. If you can’t be kind, shut up.
You think they should have gone to The Venetian in Las Vegas instead? Because she looks like a sexy croupier? Stop it, Sylvia, mean bean.
No. I wish they’d come to Singapore. Just picture the programme.
Jeff Bezos’ wedding in Singapore
Venue:
The Jewel Changi Airport (Rain Vortex and Canopy Park).
Globally connected, visually stunning.
Plan B: Capella Singapore or Gardens by the Bay.
Day 1: Arrival
Welcome gala at Clifford Pier with guests arriving in luxury yachts from Sentosa.
Sumptuous buffet from food stations fusing our multi-cultural cuisines: Malay, Indian, and Chinese, with Western.
The Singapore Symphony Orchestra will play, er, Coldplay hits.
Kardashians in batik cheongsams or saris, which is the dress code.
Day 2: Wedding Ceremony
White tie in the private oasis (Rain Vortex).
Electric Bentleys roll up to deposit guests.
Cocktails in Canopy Park (Singapore Slings, of course. And a harmonious black and white mix of chin chow and tau huay for non-alcoholic option).
AI-generated light show, robot drones capture all the photos.
Dinner. Vegan options available. Drinks Bezos Reserve Champagne.
Yo-Yo Ma performs while Amazon-themed fireworks erupt over Changi airspace (but must get or buy permission first hor).
Day 3: Post-wedding Tech Brunch
At the Marina Bay Sands SkyPark Infinity Pool.
Bezos poolside chat with selected tech guests.
Door gift still to be determined.
Lauren and her girly pack enjoy Indonesian and Thai massage spa treatments.
Day 4: Post-event Concerts
Guests such as Lady Gaga stay on to give a free performance at the Padang for the rest of us who did not get to meet Leonardo DiCaprio.
P.S. I got it, the door gift has to be a model Merlion spitting water (and it should be fined $500 for spitting).
