Credit: Josephine Chia
Summary:
- Independence can be joyful: Living alone as a senior doesn’t mean loneliness; it can offer freedom, self-fulfillment, and the ability to enjoy one’s own life on one’s terms.
- Stay active and social: Participation in community activities, active ageing centres, hobby groups, and volunteering helps seniors maintain physical, mental, and social well-being.
- Share experience and passion: Seniors can teach, mentor, or pursue personal interests, turning their experience into meaningful contributions while staying engaged and happy.
“Aiyoh! So poor thing,” is the usual response I get when I tell someone that I am a solo senior living on my own. It’s as if I had just admitted to being in prison or was sentenced to a life of abject misery.
It appears to be a general misconception that seniors living on their own must necessarily be miserable and lonely. It doesn’t cross their minds that that for some seniors, like myself, this is a choice.
Of course, I enjoy visits from my children and grandchildren. But I’m very aware that they too have lives of their own. I don’t spend weekends twiddling my thumbs, waiting for them to come. I simply get on with my own life. If we can find mutual days to meet up, it is a bonus.
This way, it’s a win-win situation. The kids don’t feel pressured to visit and therefore are more relaxed and truly happy when they do. As for myself, I can enjoy their company without being over-possessive and still lead an exciting life in my silver years.
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Being alone can be a liberation. You’re free to do whatever you love.
Solo seniors who are truly alone
I am aware, of course, that this is only possible if you are a fairly healthy senior like me. It is also more suited to one who is fiercely independent and enjoys travelling overseas alone.
Sadly, there are some seniors who are truly alone and living in isolation. There are many reasons how this situation has come about. Either the senior has no children or family, or they are estranged from theirs. Or perhaps they have children but who now live abroad.
It is also more challenging for seniors who have physical disabilities or are intellectually challenged. Thankfully, there are social workers who work tirelessly to ensure that such seniors get regular visits from workers or volunteers.
Even I, at 74, get a visit from them. And if I don’t happen to be in when they visit, they will leave a very large notecard to tell me they have dropped by. Often, they will follow up after this with a phone call. I feel quite looked-after.
Saying goodbye to loneliness
British singer Helen Shapiro sang the song, Walking Back To Happiness, in 1961. It became a global hit when she was just 14. To me, the significant line in her song is “Say goodbye to loneliness”.
The line states clearly what you must do. Don’t allow being alone to turn into loneliness. They are not the same. Being alone may not be a choice, but being lonely can be a choice. In other words, being a solo senior doesn’t mean you have to be lonely.
Credit : Josephine Chia
Don’t spend too much time on your own – it might warp your mind and make you feel uncared for and sad. It could lead to depression. Some people even become suicidal.
Interaction with others can alleviate your sense of loneliness. Doing things can make you feel alive – and happy.
Singapore’s many Active Ageing Centres are great starting points. You can have a free cup of coffee and munch on snacks while meeting new people, take part in games, play music, among a plethora of other activities.
You can entertain or be entertained. Many of these centres are within walking distance from residential areas, so you don’t have to travel far as well.
Some HDB blocks also house Residents’ Network (RN) at void decks, so that a helping hand is always around (at least during office hours).
You never have to flounder alone if you don’t know how to use your mobile phone, or need help getting something done.
Don’t be shy! Look out for activities posted by the RN manager. Go out and make new friends. You’re never too old for this.
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Take part in activities and keep yourself healthy and happy
Watching TV all day is not an option if you want to be happy. It’s best to put on the TV after the sun has set.
Be selective in what you watch so that your brain does not atrophy.
Sitting too long on the sofa creates all sorts of health issues: poorer blood circulation, weakening muscles, poor digestion, shallow breathing, and constipation, just to name a few.
The Healthy 365 app is a godsend. On it are activities you can join in for free, whether it’s tai chi, Zumba, or a gym session. Plus, you get rewarded with points that can buy you things or grant a top-up for your EZ-Link card.
Why allow your body to waste away when you can keep it fit for free? Being fitter means you will tend to be healthier, and perhaps even look better. You’re less likely to get random headaches and bodily pains.
Of course, we must all meet the Grim Reaper someday. But we don’t have to crawl towards him. We can stay healthy as long as possible and enjoy the many things that life has to offer.
There are many organisations which offer you a chance to interact with others through different activities.
If you’re sporty, you can join a walking, cycling, or running group. You can have company for the activities that you enjoy. It’s your choice.
Credit : Josephine Chia
I play 10-pin bowling and table tennis with others but usually prefer taking walks on my own.
I am a member of Sunlove and St Luke’s Active Ageing Centres. They have given me opportunities to go kayaking on Punggol Waterway and even participate in a sports tournament for seniors.
The tournament was a lot of fun and the rules are more relaxed. Instead of running, we walked to throw balls into a net – the results are quite humorous. Laughter is a great medicine. Laugh more and it will fill you with positivity.
If you love to eat and want to discover new dining places, join a makan group. If you like traveling, you can find a travel group. SilverStreak have various such groups to choose from.
If you love nature and enjoy gardening, join a special interest group. Many HDB estates have now transformed their multi-storey carpark roofs into roof gardens. They are always looking for volunteers.
Credit : Josephine Chia
Our National Parks Board offer allotments for those with green fingers and who relish eating their own home-grown papayas or chye sim.
There is no lack when it comes to choices. Get off the sofa and go have fun!
Your experience is gold
For those who enjoy giving back to the community, the University of the Third Age (U 3rd Age) is an organisation that taps on the experience and expertise of seniors. Their principle philosophy is that seniors have much to share. Your experience is gold.
Join them to attend a course or to run one yourself. Whatever had been your line of work, you can teach it. Or you can learn from others. Again, you’re spoilt for choice, whether your interest lies in art, writing, metalwork, or embroidery.
Personally, I teach adults how to write their life stories. Your experience can be turned into informative memoirs or exciting fiction. Milk your experience.
I also give talks on my kampong life. Since all kampongs, except for one, have been erased in Singapore, I share that experience with young people who find it fascinating.
Credit : Josephine Chia
As a proud Peranakan, I also share about my culture and heritage through talks or practical demonstrations of cooking or creating potpourri (or bunga rampay in my patois).
Sharing is such a joy. When people become interested in what I offer, I glow with happiness.
When you are happy, your eyes and skin will glow. You will exude and carry joy in your bearing, making your stand straight. It will make you look youthful.
You become like the athletes who carry the Olympic flame torch, where as you walk, your fire will shed light on those you pass, spreading joy as you pass by.
So don’t wait for an invite. Solo senior or not, head out there and enjoy life to its fullest.
