Even as I stood in line to deliver my once-in-five-years chop in my kampong primary school, I was already ticking off a mental list of where to eat after voting.
Typical Singaporean. So what else is new?
Other than I notice older generation say “Kentucky” while younger gen call it “KFC”.
Subtle or what.
Not so subtle however are the peculiarities and quirks (our Ps & Qs) that define us, we, the citizens of Singapore.
In ancient times, say from the 70s, life was about pursuing the Cs.
Car and cash, club and condo. And credit card.
As we drove off from our condo to the club (where cash is not king), life as we knew it could not have been more smug.
The height of smug is now recorded on social fronts: Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, WatsApp…
Which begs the observation, why are we so easy to identify, to categorise?
Are we cast from the same template?
Just about I’m afraid.
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Some Singaporean traits never change
Look at what engages and consumes us.
The queue. The Singlish. The complaints.
The ever-ready cynicism to quickly make fun of people and policies and issues and upload it on social media.
The use of Johor Bahru as our one-stop pharmacy.
The rush for hawker centre seats and tables.
The talent for speaking at least four languages in a sentence.
“Aiyoyosammy, brudder, why you bojio me?” (Homage to our Indian, Malay, Chinese multi-culturalism.)
The last time I spotted a long line all around a store (before opening hours) I joined it.
“Say, you all queueing for what, new bubble tea ah?”
Couple of girls told me, something B U.
Offended, I lobbed it back, well F U too!
Turns out they were waiting to grab the latest arrival of Labubu, some doll or toy or plushie.
It is an established fact that to “reserve” a seat or table in a hawker centre (our communal kitchen really) you put a tissue pack to indicate place taken.
Tissue packs are office workers on their lunch breaks.
Umbrellas, especially green ones, are retirees who have collected their CPF (and therefore ripe for the picking, hello).
Spectacle cases are myopic trusting folk.
Books are simply blinking show-offs.
Don’t put water bottle goondu. I take and wash my hands.
Me. I am the chope dope. I sit down first because I was born tired, while others in the party go get the food.
One time, I accidentally-on-purpose shared table and proceeded to eat from the stranger’s food order.
He was so embarrassed, he got up and left.
I disembarked last week from California and right into Changi airport duty-free.
Now while I have no shame and can eat off a stranger’s plate, I have a dislike for recommendations in the liquor section.
I spun on the sales assistant after she listed all her men friends: Johnnie Walker, Jim Beam, Jack Daniels, Charles Heidsieck.
“Tell me, this sign, ‘Duty Free’, is it your duty to free me from all my money?”
She vanished.
The art of complaining
Singaporeans got talent to complain okay.
Weather hot. Train late. Food expensive.
Ah, but remember, Singaporeans can and do complain about other Singaporeans.
But let a non-Singaporean whine about one of us, watch out you!
Do-re-me-fa-so-lah-leh-lor.
How the Singaporean expresses a stream of emotions.
Lah underlines a point.
Leh attempts to gentrify that point.
Lor gives up because you’ll never get it.
No wonder on some world lists Singapore polled as one of the most emotionless countries.
Hullo, not your business hor!
You’d think top ten lists would have to do with favourite books, movies, songs, TV series.
Not for the Singaporean.
Our hit parades are centred on Top Ten curry puffs, chicken rice, char kway teow, chee cheong fun, waddaya know, we’re back to chasing the four Cs!
You can arrow a Singaporean parent.
The one buying up assessment books for his child’s PSLE.
Remember when chicken essence was the go-to to help the kids studying for exams?
On that note, I could add that the Singaporean wife and mother is more afraid of losing her maid, helper, than her husband!
We tend to measure distances in MRT stations. “I’m only two stops away.”
The Singaporean is fortunate to turn most long weekends into mini vacations and staycations (Johor Bahru, Bangkok, Bali, Hoi An, Siem Reap). Just by thinking of those airports as a longer ride away.
